Believe It Or Not, MOI -- The Gun Toting Liberal -- Is STILL A Virgin, Folks

Okay, I’m going to say it — KUDOS to Ms. Natalie Dylan for her creativity in auctioning off her virginity in exchange for college money. It seems to be working, too, especially since the bids for her virginity are already climing in the seven figures (Telegraph — UK); more than enough to purchase her OWN institution of higher learning by now. “Kudos, GTL™?”, you ask. “Yep, KUDOS”, I repeat. If the politicians can do it, then so can Ms. Dylan, and so can I.

While I’ll be the first to admit Ms. Dylan’s idea is anything but original; after all, our “freshman senators and congresspersons” have been doing the same thing for decades; I also have to admit there is quite an appeal to this idea as well — not in the capacity of the BIDDER, mind you; not in the capacity of running for congress or the senate either, mind you; but more from the standpoint of a fellow “virgin” who has decided to auction a lucky one-night stand to the highest bidder — hit the Official Gun Toting Liberal™ Tip Jar if you’re interested. Of course, please be patient — I don’t want to see my server crashed by all the “takers”. If you see the following message:

“INTERNAL SERVER ERROR!!!”

Please just bookmark this site and come back in a few minutes to make your bids for a one-night stand (ONLY!) to take The GTL’s viginity. However; there are a few little “rules” you all should know before bidding upon my virgin services:

1. No caps or minimums on bids (any dollar amount will put you in the running, even if the winning bidder only tips one dollar — unlikely, of course — but those are the rules) –

2. Unlike Ms. Dylan, I am NOT willing to undergo any medical examinations to determine my “virginity” status. Although I am, INDEED, a Liberal, you’ll just have to take my word on this one –

3. NO GUYS. Sorry, doods. While I’m no closeted gay guy like Larry Craig or Ted (“I Think I Know What You Did Last Night!”) Haggard, or a homophobe unlike RNC Chair “shoo-in” Ken Blackwell who claims “Homosexuality is a compulsion that can be contained, repressed or changed.” — The Gist — H/T goes to MemeOrandum for the pull…), I only swing one way –

4. Winning bidder must be willing to travel to Mobile, Alabama, and give clear, concise instructions to me on how best to lose my virginity to and/or with her –

5. Bidding ends February 1st of 2009. She who has donated the most to The Official Gun Toting Liberal™ Tip Jar WINS, PERIOD –

6. No eating crackers in bed unless you’re REALLY hot –

What the hey? Let’s see how this all works out. And congratulations to the luckiest lady in advance for her HUGE win. Like both Ms. Dylan and our “junior senators” and “junior congresspersons” all say — “Hey, this’ll be a good thing for all parties involved.”

***

See Also: Matthew O’Keefe (My twin brutha from anothah mutha and former GTL columnist) of Papamoka Straight Talk; Ron Chusid of Liberal Values; Alan Colmes of Liberal Land

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